Lonely

I have spent all night (when I was supposed to be cleaning) making a Wall of Photos... Just sticky tacked pictures of me and my friends... I look at all these pictures, all these people, all these memories.... and I feel more alone than I ever have. Yes these are cute pictures, and yes the people in these pictures do appear to be all having the times of their lives... Then please tell me why I feel so detached from it all?

It's as though I feel the need to just pretend to have these friends... Not to say I dont have good friends, I certainly do. And I have the "fun to have fun with friends" that aren't as close but I thoroughly enjoy their company too... There are all sorts of "types of frends"... Class friends- that you talk to during or about a certain topic or class you are in, Seasonal- the type where you bond immensely and quickly and for a while you are BFFS but then eventually you fall apart and things are never the same, then there are the Lifers- the friends that you are truly friends with forever and even though you might get busy or fight, or even if you are separated for a long time you can always pick up right where you left off- this friend is there for you always.... But I digress..

This still doesnt answer my question of being lonely.. and not just in the sense that I am currently alone in this moment right now, but its like these pictures dont mean anything. It is almost as though I am looking at someone else's curly hair and wide grin in this photos, not my own. Its the feeling you get when your looking through someone elses photo album of a vacation or just of friends. And you sit there looking at all these people having the time of their life and you want to pretend that you were there too- just to the left of the girl with her head tossed back in laughter, dont you see me? Thats my arm in the corner.. no? Oh well maybe that might be someone else...