I recieved a job offer in London today.
Everything is falling into place. My passport came in early, I found cheap flights… All thats left is obtaining funds and a visa…
I think a lot of people dont believe I will actually do this. Myself included. But I want to so badly. When I think of everything I would get to see and do there.. it just makes me heart stop with excitement.
I just wish more than anything my parents could just be happy for me. Or at least pretend to be. This is hard enough without their blessing. They think I am running.
Am I? Am I running away from my life here, or lack thereof? Away from all my failures for that matter? I mean, my life is pretty much shambles here. “The plan” was discarded a long time ago as my dad so pointedly reminded me tonight. Ugh. Maybe I am just running. But maybe not away from my old life. Maybe its to my new one.
How many times do I really need to start over before I get it right though? This will be my 6th “fresh start” to try and sort out my mess of a life. Maybe a new country is what I need. But if I cant get it right here, what makes me think I can over there?
When I moved to the city, it was one of the craziest years of my life. And even though I didnt have much money or anything, I will always think of it as pretty much the best year of my life. I wouldnt take it back or regret it for a minute. That first spring and summer were just unforgettable. But what did it get me? Some new friends, crazy stories and great memories- yes… A future? No.
There are some things here that I will miss dearly. Some people that still hold on to pieces of my life that I desparately need back before I leave. There are doors I need to close and windows I need to shut before I can take this giant LEAP.
Really what I hope is that I can do something my parents will be proud of. This is something I have dreamed of my entire life. And I am making it come true. How many people can honestly say they are following through with their childhood dreams? Nothing ever seems to be good enough, no matter how excited I am about something I have done or am doing I still feel like it is met with the same level of enthusiasm. Mostly it is met with incredulous-ness.
London here I come.
1 comment:
Your experience is the same as so many of us out there...you're not running away from life, you're running towards it. You're young and needing to find out what it's all about, that else are you supposed to be doing in your 20's. You have your whole life to do things for other people, take oppotunities while you can, they won't always be in abundance. Live it and...your parents will be proud of you no matter what you do, they just don't want you to go and can't understand it. You wait, in 5 years you'll overhear them bragging to their friends about how brave and independent you are...trust me on that one.
Happy adventures and live big.
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