.self exploration.

so, as much as i would like to pretend that i am impenetrable... it has recently come to my attention (not for the first time in my life) that i too am affected by the human condition. feelings. ugh. such a bother dont you think? how much easier would things be if indifference was more prevalent in my life. unfortunately i was not blessed with such ambivalence.

lately ive been looking at a lot of my character traits and tracing their origin and development throughout my life so as better to understand myself. you know what ive come up with? that im not much different now than i was when i was 10.
10 year old hannah:
-uses awkwardness to make jokes to break the ice. check- 21 year old hannah
- prone to jealousy(especially when i was sick and my dad would finish buiding my huge snowfort with the neighbor kids instead of me... ooo did that ever set me off). check.
- generally doesnt fit in, or want to, with people. uh.. yeah check!
- overdramatic... haha yes. still me.
- music tastes are the same. (my radio was always tuned to 104.3- the oldies station when i wasnt using my parents record player to listen to the monkees)

there are infinite more comparisons... but what is this all telling me? either i was a really cool kid or i need to freaking grow up already. haha

i have come to see that i have tendencies not to learn my lesson the first time- also much like i was as a child i suppose.
i get excited and caught up in whirlwinds and only see potential rainbows and float away from reality all too quickly. then when the same thunderstorm comes crashing me down to earth i sulk away into my corner kicking myself for not remembering to bring an umbrella this time. for falling for the same thing over and over again.

knowing all of this about myself isnt really going to help. is it? i guess acceptence is half the battle... right?

so lets raise our glasses in toast to the future. heres to growing. heres to learning from mistakes. heres to knowing thyself.

cheers.